i recommend

Women’s sexuality and pleasure is one of my favorite topics to think and learn about. And it is a subject that the world urgently needs to speak of openly and without shame. I hope my recommendations will encourage you to do the same.

Rabbit vibrators: Pop culture and the media will have you believe that female pleasure is “mysterious”, and “complicated.” That women’s orgasms are “difficult.” and “take too long.” And up until my mid-twenties, I believed that. Then I bought myself a “rabbit” style dual action vibrator. A rabbit vibrator can provide simultaneous clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Realizing that I could in fact have orgasm after orgasm in a matter of minutes with this toy every damn time—that my pleasure wasn’t actually such a mystery all—on the contrary, that it could be incredibly consistent and predictable—was hands down my most radical sexual discovery. 

Allure has a useful list of eleven best rabbit vibrators. The model I have is called the Greedy Girl manufactured by a company called LoveHoney. Also: Check out this how-to-use guide.

Online marketplaces that retail sex toys from reputable international brands in India include: imbesharam.com, lovetreats.in and thatspersonal.com. However I will say that pleasure products are much more affordable in other countries such as in Europe or the US, so if you have a friend or relative coming to India from overseas at some point you should tell them to scrap the chocolates and bring you one of these instead!

12 by Sarah Sloan: This is a podcast series by the wonderfully honest and articulate Sarah Sloan. Finding herself firmly ensconced in the everyday tedium of work, marriage, and kids—in her mid-forties, with no time for sex—she realizes that “reconnecting with her erotic self is a matter of urgency.” Thus begins the sexual mission that is the premise of this podcast: to earnestly navigate each of the twelve different ways women can apparently orgasm—clitoral, vaginal, cervical, blended, anal, U-spot, A - Spot, nipple, mind etc. She makes focused and whole hearted attempts at achieving an orgasm via each method. (Fortunately her partner is also up for the ride). The result is a delightful series bursting with information, insights, and anecdotes that will make you laugh, cry, raise your eyebrow, nod in agreement, and likely also blow your mind. Listen here.

Also this: For anyone looking to improve their understanding of how to make a woman orgasm, check out OMGyes.com. This incredible resource offers the most impressive information on the science of female pleasure that I have ever come across, with truly life-altering tutorials. You can thank me later.

Three excellent writers: Every single sentence that Richa Kaul Padte, Priya Alika Elias, and Rega Jha have ever written is gold. They write about what it means to be human, what it means to be a woman, what it means to love, what it means to be sexual, and the ways that technology and the internet shape and are shaped by our sense of self—particularly from the perspectives of Indian millennial women.

Kaul Padte (CyberSexy) and Alika Elias (Besharam) have written brilliant books. Jha hasn’t written hers yet but will no doubt soon amaze all of us. For now, you can check out her excellent Times of India column. I highly recommend devouring every piece each of these powerhouses has ever written. So be sure to follow them so you don’t miss a single word: Richa Kaul Padte; Priya Alika Elias; Rega Jha.