Editor’s note: Our lead image is a stunning 18th century painting titled ‘Layla and Majnun’. It’s an unexpected and intriguing take—Majnu as an emaciated, impoverished lover courting a lavishly wealthy Laila—in a star-crossed love story we all know so well. Details available over at the Harvard Art Museum.

 

Lata Mangeshkar was the voice of romance for generations of Indians—giving expression to our teenage angst, adult heartbreak and middle-aged nostalgia. But it is only now—after her death—that the media has dared speak of her own love life—be it her relationship with composers C Ramachandra and Husnlal or cricketer and royal scion Raj Singh Dungarpur who called her Mithoo. In her lifetime, the woman who articulated the yearnings of millions of Indians was kept sanitised and chaste—the saintly lady in white, above all base earthly desires.

 

That contradiction, in a way, sums up our own complicated relationship with love. For all the Laila-Majnu Heera-Ranjha stories, Indians remain straight-laced when it comes to matters of the heart—especially the taboo kind. A 2016 youth survey showed only one-third of youth thought inter-caste marriage was perfectly fine. Inter-faith romances are, of course, beyond the pale. (And 40% were opposed to Valentine’s Day).

 

Yet like some stubborn weed, love pushes through in India, thriving in the most inhospitable places—and with or without the sanction of a Valentine’s Day. Here then is the tortuous timeline of love, sex and dhokha in India—suitably accompanied by a Lata Mangeshkar soundtrack. (Due credit to Bishan Samaddar for the playlist assist.)

 

400BCE - 300CE: Somewhere around this time, Sage Vatsyayana supposedly wrote the Kamasutra which was meant as a guide to the art of living well. It included tips on how to make the perfect lemonade as well as an ancient Viagra recipe involving milk honey and the egg of a sparrow. Sex accounted for just about 20% of its content.

 

In 1883 its (rather distorted) English translation was printed in secret by Sir Richard Burton—and became one of the most pirated books in the English language according to Indologist Wendy Doniger. With sections like ‘Acquiring a Wife’, ‘Duties and Privileges of the Wife’, ‘Other Men’s Wives’, its target audience was quite clear. Today, it’s the chi-chi sex manual preferred by high-minded intellectuals—and the favoured club with which to attack our present-day puritanism. And it remains a book most Indians know about but few have actually read.

 

Best enjoyed with: Aao Tumhe Main Pyar Sikha Doon (‘Upaasna’)

 

Best illustrated by: These gorgeous (and quirky) illustrations by award-winning artist Victor Ngai for the sumptuous 2018 edition of the Kamasutra. (if you’re curious there’s an interview with Ngai here and more images here)

 

1632: Emperor Shah Jehan commissioned the Taj Mahal to house the tomb of his favourite wife, Mumtaz Mahal. While it certainly put India on the love-map of the world, it’s rather ironic that it commemorates a woman who died while giving birth to her 14th child. In this case, a little less love might have been better for poor Mumtaz Mahal’s health. Of course, as is befitting our times, the Taj is now being recast as yet another symbol of Mughal imperialism—as Hindutva warriors spend their time looking not for love but the mythical mandir that lies buried underneath. 

 

Best enjoyed with: Ek Shahensah Ne Banwa Ke Haseen Taj Mahal (‘Leader’)

 

Best illustrated by: an 1883 painting of one of the world’s greatest wonders by American orientalist Edwin Lord Weeks, who described it so:

 

“[T]wo lines of black cypress spires lead the eye straight to the majestic dome which rises white and dazzling at the end of the vista . . . like a summer cloud against the clear sky . . . as full of transparent tints and hues of mother-of-pearl as the lining of a shell.”

 

1861: The British introduced Section 377 into the Indian Penal Code modelled on their Buggery Act of 1533—which made sexual activities “against the order of nature” illegal. Of course, given our attitudes towards sex pretty much every thing outside of marriage is “against the order of nature”—while the saath pheras excuse all, including rape. One of the noteworthy prosecutions under the law: in 1925 when a man was accused of inserting his penis into the nostril of a buffalo. Happily, the law against homosexuality was eventually read down in 2018—though hopefully attacking hapless animals with your genitalia remains a crime.

 

Best enjoyed with: Pyar Kiya To Darna Kya (‘Mughal-e-Azam’)

 

Best illustrated by: Thomas Babington Macaulay whom we can thank for Section 377:  

 

1884: Kadambari Devi—the spirited young wife of Jyotirindranath Tagore—died by suicide by taking an overdose of opium. While the influential Tagores hushed up the scandal, her brother-in-law Rabindranath could not hide his anguish—saying decades later, it was her face that he sought in all his paintings of women. Close to his age, she had been his friend, confidante and earliest critic. He’d nicknamed her Hecate after the Goddess of the Moon. She killed herself barely four months after he got married. The tragedy remains the classic example of the very Indian dewar-bhaabhi love trope—which Tagore immortalised in a story that would become Satyajit Ray’s ‘Charulata’. 

 

Best enjoyed with: Sakhi Bhabona Kahare Bole (‘Sriman Prithviraj’)

 

Best illustrated by: These photos of a young Tagore and his bhabhi Kadambari:

 

1933: Devika Rani and Himanshu Rai set the yet-to-be-broken on-screen record for the longest kiss in the film ‘Karma’. It was two minutes (or four minutes, by other accounts) long! Sounds real steamy except in the film, she is actually trying to resuscitate her husband who’s been bitten by a snake: “Such was her natural abandon that the scene (and kiss) carried on for two minutes.” The next kiss to shock our sanskari selves? The man-on-man smooch in the Karan Johar segment of Bombay Talkies in 2013. No snakes were involved.

 

Best enjoyed with: Honthon Pe Bas (‘Yeh Dillagi’)

 

Best illustrated by: By the kiss, of course!

 

1942: Ismat Chughtai published a short story ‘Lihaaf’ about Begum Jaan, a lonely married woman—who finds a happy ending with Rabbo, her pockmarked, paunchy masseuse with magic fingers. But all the action happens under the quilt much to the alarm of the story’s narrator, her young niece who says “Begum Jaan’s quilt was shaking vigorously as though an elephant was struggling inside.” The story landed Chughtai in court on charges of obscenity for its suggestion of lesbian sex. She refused to apologise and won the case because the prosecutors could not point to any obscene words. What happened under the quilt stayed under the quilt. 

 

Best enjoyed with: Karvate Badalte Rahe Saari Raat (‘Aap Ki Kasam’)

 

Best illustrated by: This English translation of the short story published in Maanushi. Enjoy!

 

1947: India became independent amid celebration, chaos and bloodshed. But in the midst of it all, an unlikely (or appropriately symbolic?) relationship blossomed between Edwina Mountbatten and Jawaharlal Nehru. In keeping with both Indian and British prudishness, Edwina’s daughter Pamela insists in her book that it was a “profound relationship” and there was no sex involved:

 

“Quite apart from the fact that neither my mother nor Panditji had time to indulge in a physical affair, they were rarely alone. They were always surrounded by staff, police and other people.”

 

A fate every privacy-deprived Indian lovebird can relate to—as they huddle in park corners in fear of being caught by local havaldars or nosy aunties.

 

Best enjoyed with: Aaja Re Pardesi (‘Madhumati’)

 

Best illustrated by: This lovely photo of the soulmates:

 

1957: Sonali Dasgupta, mother of two, gave Kolkata’s bhadralok acid reflux by eloping with Italian filmmaker Roberto Rossellini—leaving behind her family. Rossellini, 25 years her senior, was married to Ingrid Bergman at that time. The affair caused such a scandal there were even calls to PM Nehru to impound her passport. Of course, as with almost everything that goes wrong these days, this was all Nehru’s fault: Rossellini had come to India at his invitation to make a documentary. Incidentally the one who chaperoned her to Delhi in the Great Escape? Painter MF Husain who said she traveled as Mrs Husain. Dasgupta ran a boutique in Rome, and died in 2014. Minus Rossellini—as the marriage ended in 1973.

 

Best Enjoyed With: Pardesiya (‘Mr Natwarlal’)

 

Best illustrated by: This image taken at the peak of their passion:

 

1959: Naval Commander  Kawas Manekshaw Nanavati was tried for the murder of his wife Sylvia’s lover Prem Ahuja—leaving the nation riveted by a crime of passion. Peddlers sold Ahuja towels (since he was wearing a towel when Nanavati confronted him) and toy Nanavati revolvers. Russi Karanjia’s Blitz led the charge in mobilising public opinion in defense of Nanavati. He was portrayed not just as the cuckolded husband but also as a chivalrous knight-in-arms defending his wife’s honour—after Ahuja reportedly told him “Will I marry every woman I sleep with?” The jury found him “not guilty” and that led to a bench trial that found him guilty. After being pardoned, Nanavati moved to Canada with Sylvia, giving the tale an unexpected happy ending: “The Nanavatis were a happy normal family with children, grandchildren and a beautiful Irish setter." The case has inspired at least three movies since—at least two of which killed her off as appropriate penitence for her sins.

 

Best Enjoyed With: Maar Diya Jaaye (‘Mera Gaon Mera Desh’)

 

Best illustrated by: This very stylish photo of the couple soon after their marriage:

 

1968: Rajiv Gandhi married his Italian girlfriend Sonia Maino—with his mother’s blessing and despite great resistance from her parents. The civil wedding had all the traditional Indian touches (watch it here). Sonia has long since embraced the bharatiya naari life, both as bahu and neta. But it hasn’t stopped some Indians from still referring to her as the “Italian waitress.” And yet, few—not even the BJP—have suggested that their marriage was anything less than loving and happy.

 

Also winning the love sweepstakes: Bollywood heartthrob Sharmila Tagore who married cricketing heartthrob Mansoor Ali Khan of Pataudi a year later. He once sent seven refrigerators to her home in some bizarre gesture of courtship. Then he wooed her with Urdu poetry—which was actually written by Mirza Ghalib. Without the ‘love jihad’ brigade to make trouble, the love story led to a lifelong marriage—and spawned a new generation of Bolllywood stars.

 

Best enjoyed with: Ab Ke Sajan Saawan Mein (‘Chupke Chupke’)

 

Best illustrated by: This rare photo of a newly-wed Rajiv and Sonia getting ice cream at India Gate:

 

1987: Policewomen Leela Namdeo and Urmila Shrivastava of Bhopal got married in classic cinematic style—exchanging garlands in a temple. They were immediately suspended by the Inspector General of Police. The women challenged their dismissal in civil court long before an LGBTQ+ movement took off in India. Thirty years later, another pair of policewomen in Gujarat took a much smarter route to coupledom. They signed a ‘maitri karaar’ or friendship contract—created in the 1970s by the state to make it easy for Hindu men to have a mistress without violating the Hindu Marriage Act. This time around, the court intervened in favour of the inventive lovers.

 

Best enjoyed with: Mann Kyoon Behka Re Behka (‘Utsav’)

 

Best illustrated by: This photo of the path-breaking Leela and Urmila:

 

1989: Neena Gupta had a love-child with West Indies cricketer Vivian Richard—and India went “Howzzat?” When she became pregnant, Gupta was advised to have an abortion—which she refused. She also turned down actor Satish Kaushik’s offer to marry her and claim the child as his own. While an already-married Richards was supportive, he was never around—leaving Gupta to mostly struggle on her own. In her memoir, she writes: “Masaba has been worth everything and more.” Badhai ho!

 

Best enjoyed with: Mere Ghar Aayi Ek Nanhi Pari (‘Kabhie Kabhie’)

 

Best illustrated by: This family photo of an unusual family:

 

1995: After decades of socialist-era prudery, Milind Soman and Madhu Sapre heralded in the heady early years of liberalisation—and capitalism’s core mantra: sex sells. They posed in the buff for Tuff shoes with just a python as an accessory—and set an entire generation’s hormones ablaze. The fact they were a real-life couple made it easier for them to pose naked, but a number of cases were registered against both the creators of the ads and the magazines that published them. Reacting to the furore Madhu Sapre said, “I have not killed anybody, I have not robbed anybody, I don’t know what they are talking about”—perhaps not realising that in our country, Kamasutra notwithstanding, sex can often be a greater sin than murder.

 

Best enjoyed with: Man Dole Mera Tan Dole (‘Naagin’)

 

Best illustrated by: The iconic ad itself.

 

1999: India’s first LGBTQ+ Pride march—cutely called Friendship Walk—was held in Kolkata. While 30 signed up to participate, only an intrepid 15 eventually set out in the pouring rain. Indians soon realised the fallacy of coordinating their Pride march with the Amreeki Pride calendar. The summer months of June/July are either swelteringly hot or raining cats and dogs—neither of which is ideal weather to boldly announce your sexual politics. As a result, Pride marches are now held in winter.

 

Best enjoyed with: Chalte Chalte Yun hi Koi (‘Pakeezah’)

 

Best illustrated by: this nondescript but historic photo of that ‘Friendship Walk’—which had none of the flamboyance of a Pride March these days.

 

2005: At the age of 80, Dr Mahinder Watsa started writing his ‘Ask the Sexpert’ column for Mumbai Mirror—and continued to do so till he died in 2020. While his witty one-liners elicited many a giggle, the questions laid bare how little we Indians know of even the ABCs of sex. 

 

Best enjoyed with: Duniya Kare Sawal (‘Bahu Begum’)

 

Best illustrated by: This exchange between Watsa and one of his hapless advice-seekers:

 

Question: If a man and a woman masturbate at the same time, thinking about sex, can it lead to pregnancy?

Watsa: There are no angles to carry your sperms to the person you are dreaming about. Fantasy gives you enjoyment, but does nothing more. 

 

2008: Savita Bhabhi made her comic strip debut—bringing to life the Indian male’s greatest fantasy: The hot aunty next door. The urban, well-educated housewife pursued her pleasures—unabashedly and with blithe indifference to age, caste or class. A salesman and a teenage boy were equally welcome as lovers. Of course, the government played sex party-pooper and blocked the website. Despite a fervent online SOS—Save Our Savita—movement, our bhabhi was lost forever. FYI: one of the creators compared her to the Amul Girl—oh the travesty!!

 

Best enjoyed with: Jiya Jale (‘Dil Se’)

 

Best illustrated by: By Bhabhi-ji herself:

 

2009: ‘The Consortium of Pub-Going Loose and Forward Women’ started the Pink Chaddi movement after the Sri Ram Sene attacked women in a pub in Mangalore—and threatened to put a mangalsutra on any couple found “expressing their love” on Valentine’s Day. The symbol—an intimate piece of underwear—was a bold move in a country where even an errant bra strap is cause for moral shaming. No idea what the Ram Sene did with all those chaddis though. In 2014, Kerala followed suit with its Kiss of Love campaign where activists smooched in public to defy moral policing. 

 

Best enjoyed with: More Bhabhi Ki Gaal Gulaabi Gulaabi (‘Rakhi’)

 

Best illustrated: The subversive chaddi, of course!

 

2009: Narain Dutt Tiwari, the octogenarian governor of Andhra Pradesh resigned “on health grounds” after a Telugu channel’s sting operation revealed him in bed with three women—in what became called the “grandfather of sex scandals.” This happened barely a year after Rohit Shekhar filed a suit claiming Tiwari as his biological father. Tiwari finally married Ujjwala Sharma, Rohit’s mother, when the paternity test proved him true. How it all ended: Tiwari defected to the BJP along with Shekhar in 2017—with Amit Shah laying out the welcome mat. This is truly a country for (randy) old men—but not young women who hang out in pubs.

 

Best enjoyed with: Main Kaa Karoon Ram (‘Sangam’)

 

Best illustrated by: This excellent photo of Amit Shah welcoming Tiwari into the fold:

 

2010: Love Commandos appointed themselves as the guardian angels of forbidden romance—describing itself as a “voluntary organisation dedicated to helping India’s lovebirds who want to marry for love.” The radical group—committed to breaking caste, faith and class barriers—has since been shut down due to evidence of abuse. But the mission remains both laudable—and sadly, still necessary.

 

Best enjoyed with: Hum Dono Do Premi (‘Ajanabee’)

 

Best illustrated by: This funny Times of India image:

 

2014: ‘Love Jihad’—the idea of Muslim men seducing Hindu women into conversion—was an old bogeyman. But Yogi Adityanath’s rise in Uttar Pradesh gave it new life. We now have anti-conversion laws that have resulted in countless false arrests—aimed at persecuting interfaith couples. And it has become a staple election promise in any state where BJP is making a big play for power. Makes one nostalgic for old-fashioned election sops like laptops and booze. 

 

Best enjoyed with: Bholi Surat Dil Ke Khote (‘Albela’)

 

Best illustrated by: I don’t think this one needs any illustration.

 

2015: This was the year of great porn crackdown. The government blocked 857 sites "as the content posted on these websites relate to morality, decency as given in Article 19(2) of the Constitution.” And its war on adult content continues unabated—with 3,500 websites blocked to date. But where there is a will, there is always a jugaad. And Indians remain the third greatest consumers of porn in the world.  

 

Best enjoyed with: Luka Chuppi (‘Rang de Basanti’)

 

Best illustrated by: This poster of Sunny Leone that no doubt adorns many a teenager’s wall. The NRI porn queen was the most searched person on the Indian internet in 2019 (for the eighth consecutive year)—beating the Prime Minister by a mile.

 

2022: A college student in Manipal tried to smuggle his girlfriend into his hostel—stuffed inside a trolley bag. Apparently, she was a dancer and could “contort with ease.” Alas, the sneaky lovers were caught—and both were suspended. I personally think this latest iteration of the Suitcase Scandal is a huge improvement on the many Delhi husbands who have chopped up their wives to fit them inside luggage.

 

Best enjoyed with: Hum Tum Ek Kamre Mein Band  (‘Bobby’)

 

Best illustrated by: This perfectly pink image of love-struck suitcases: 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!